Wednesday, February 22, 2012

So Mixed Up, If Only Life Were a Chocolate Cake

Knowing, and wishing and wanting and learning to be content. Well I might be lacking a little in the latter, but I least I suppose I know i ought to. As always I've been terrably lax about posting anything, I started this post last week and only got to the title. At the time I wasn't sure where I was going or what I was doing with my life  in this upcomeing year, to go or to stay that was the question, the problem was I have far to many good options and no clear heading. Well that night I had a good long talk with my best (Chinese) friend and when I woke the next I knew my answer. I'm going home when my contract is up. Untill then I'll work hard, have fun and generally speaking "live well".  It's a little easier said then done at times though, I love this city but it has made my life feel unlovely, unpleasent and unpreductive, not to mention downright miserable at times, and though I'm leaving I have the strangest feeling I'll be back. I think the thing that bothers me the most however is that people who don't really know feel the need to express there opinion which of course is better then mine simply because it belongs to them. I'm weary of the city, with it's cold and its polution and the constant noise. No proper dirt, hardly any birds, a lack of grass dead or alive, the sea is far away and any water for miles and miles is frozen solid. I feel such a strong lack,  everything here feels so dead, so passive, so bland. I'm tired of sticking out like a soar thumb and never wanting to do anything. I'm ready to be going home, my prayer now is that my Father holds me up and strengthens me through these last four and a half -five months.

~What I wouldn't give to weigh a hundred and fifteen, running about in the warm sunshine somewhere distant and familiar, the only sounds to meet my ears are the birds and my own laughter. Oh that's what I long for. Late nights with friends, and long walks on the beach.


  1. I've been following your blog and missing your posting, and so am happy to read this update. I'll be praying that your last few months go well for you. God wouldn't have led you there without something positive. Karen in OR
    PS Think I first found your blog when you had the picture of that beautiful french braid.

  2. Thanks so much Karen! The encouragement means a lot esspecially comeing from someone I don't even know. I pray God blesses you, as you bless others. Hopefully I get more blogging done in the next few months.

  3. Reading this again reminded me of what you said "work hard, have fun, live well". If that's the instructions you've recieved for your future (like directly in front of you) then obey with determination. Don't let worry about what going to happen steal what God is trying to give you right now and what is is trying to give others through you.
    Matthew 6:34. He knows the plans he has for you, every little detail.