Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Fearless Walking Companion
Duties shall be comprised primarily of long walks through lovely wooded areas.
Dangers that require fearless and undaunted behavior include: Root infested paths that have an appetite for feet. Curtains and fountains of wild roses (not as pleasant as they sound). Bogs that smell of sulfur and the rotten flesh of past victims. Sweetly humming clouds of vicious insects. Eerie grave yards and their occupants. Possible encounters with bridge trolls. The dangerous sinking tunnels of the ROUS’s ( also known as Nutria). The shrieks of ravenous dragons disguised as large carnivores birds. The inky pools, wherein the notorious creature of the black lagoon found it’s beginnings. And above all the dreaded agents of the EPA.
There shall be no unsupervised leaving of the trails. (Experience has proved extracting a person from the mud is not a pleasant way to spend an afternoon {yes it will take all afternoon}).
Swashbuckling is not a requirement, mostly because I have no idea what a swash is or how to buckle it. However, skill with a blade and or other weaponry would be most useful, just the other day I encountered a dandy young lion  which I quickly subdued with my trusty shillelagh. ( He left on peaceful terms ).
A good imagination is an absolute requirement for placement in this position.
Please contact me for more information.
Loriana Johnson
P.S. If anyone has experience in swashbuckling I would be delighted to learn.


  1. Something I posted to my Facebook, thought I'd share.

  2. "Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?!"

  3. yes it is delicious.
    I just watch that movie and it is defiantly one of my FAVORITE lines!