Knowing, and wishing and wanting and learning to be content. Well I might be lacking a little in the latter, but I least I suppose I know i ought to. As always I've been terrably lax about posting anything, I started this post last week and only got to the title. At the time I wasn't sure where I was going or what I was doing with my life in this upcomeing year, to go or to stay that was the question, the problem was I have far to many good options and no clear heading. Well that night I had a good long talk with my best (Chinese) friend and when I woke the next I knew my answer. I'm going home when my contract is up. Untill then I'll work hard, have fun and generally speaking "live well". It's a little easier said then done at times though, I love this city but it has made my life feel unlovely, unpleasent and unpreductive, not to mention downright miserable at times, and though I'm leaving I have the strangest feeling I'll be back. I think the thing that bothers me the most however is that people who don't really know feel the need to express there opinion which of course is better then mine simply because it belongs to them. I'm weary of the city, with it's cold and its polution and the constant noise. No proper dirt, hardly any birds, a lack of grass dead or alive, the sea is far away and any water for miles and miles is frozen solid. I feel such a strong lack, everything here feels so dead, so passive, so bland. I'm tired of sticking out like a soar thumb and never wanting to do anything. I'm ready to be going home, my prayer now is that my Father holds me up and strengthens me through these last four and a half -five months.
~What I wouldn't give to weigh a hundred and fifteen, running about in the warm sunshine somewhere distant and familiar, the only sounds to meet my ears are the birds and my own laughter. Oh that's what I long for. Late nights with friends, and long walks on the beach.
I'm in one of those slumps where I have soooo many things I want to do and it seems I'm never doing any of them. I can't get far past the idea stage on anything, not just crafts but everything cleaning my room, reading books, sewing, cooking, baking ... anything. Well I'm sitting next to my window which I had open for a few minutes, yes it feels like -8 outside but sometimes you just need the fresh air inside. Not that Harbin air is particularly fresh but at least my room doesn't feel so stuffy now. Cody is up stares practicing his clarinet and I must get ready to go to my friends house for the evening. I feel I look a little thinner but I haven't lost any weight. I'm growing tired of this big cold place so unlike the sand and waves, the dirt and the trees, the birds and clouds that fill the sky, I miss my home. It's transitioned into a different kind of missing though, I'm no longer home sick, and I find living here easy enough but I feel such a strong lack, like a caged bird or a wiled horse that finds itself fenced in, eventually you get use to it and it obviously won't kill you but deep down inside that longing for freedom will not be denied. I need to taste the cool sea breezes on my face and feel the earth beneath my bare feet, to hear the crash of the waves and the cry of the gulls. I'm ready to be going home.
Yes I'm posting another Chinese song, well two actually! The first my mom found by accident and I absolutaly love it! The second is by the same guy but I actually first saw it while riding the 83 to Sophia one day back in December. So I'm just comeing off of a two week break with no work (I know two weeks with no work and no blog poast, shake your heads in shame) anyhow today is the first day back to work and I'm actually a little bit kinda sorta excited about it. I didn't get nearly as much done durring break as I should have but I did eat far to much food (For those of you who don't know, Chinese New year/ Spring Festival is filled with food and fireworks, it's also pretty cold up her in Harbin). I also got some shopping done and worked on some projects. I'll tell you more bout that next time. In the meantime I've run into a small dilema where I'm lacking in pants and I can't really find any chinese pants that fit. So I'm going to design and make several skirts that will solve that problem. I've also been reserching Chinese Dragons, it's quite a fasinateing and complex topic. There are specifif reasons for my research but I won't go into all those detailes now, now, I will get ready for work. I'm excited to see if my package came in ( my dear sweet parents sent me a box but I didn't get it before the new year celebrations began and when they start everything goes on hold).
Well it's February now and far too late to do anything about last months horrendous lack of posting. I've turned into a terrible blogger, this month I promise to try and make up for that. Time to start here are some videoes of acoustic covers I found on YouTube. They really make me wanna be a better musician. I know I always say it, and that's cuz I always mean it, it just never seems to work out. Well here they are enjoy, hopefully I'll post something more amazing tomorrow.
