Not so good, but never so bad.

So today, today was hard. I can't lie, I cried several times and all I wanted tonight was to be at home. I'm still sick, and I think the medicine I'm on is adding to the sickness. I know there's a purpose for my being here,  but I really don't know what it is. Maybe it'd be easier if I did, maybe not. I hate that lacking of purpose I feel and sometimes all I want is to lay down on my own sweet bed and never leave home (in DE) again, at least for a very long time. I miss everyone and everything soooooooo much. I need peace, and calm, it's not that I don't trust the Father, I mean I'm in China obviously, I trust him, but I'm not sure how much I trust myself.