Cold, Windy, Days, where Confusion Flies

It's a cold wet rainy day, life can be a bit confusing but it's all good when you are trusting in God, he is our rock and our firm foundation! Today has been spent talking to my sweetie, praying a lot, organizing and cleaning my room (trying to find papers), not to mention contacting English schools in 成都 and the Chinese Embassy in Washington D.C.  But I refuse to be overcome with doubt and frustration, it's easy to forget in difficulties that that really is our decision. And though it may be hard and I may falter I am choosing to trust in my heavenly Father and not worry about things I have no control over. I am excited for the chance to finally start making efforts to go back to China. I'm excited to be going back

to the man I love. And I am excited for a new adventure in a new city. Of course we plan to marry in 哈尔滨 see all our old friends, catch up on good time and visit his family in 海林.  But I know that God has such amazing plans for the future! My mom showed me the below picture today and I couldn't resist adding it and a little song from my Fiance! Enjoy!

Little song from my sweetie!

My mind is so busy with such a number of things

I've been keeping myself, at least mentally busy. I'm looking at flowers and drinking (to much) coffee. Trying to get in shape and figure out wedding plans. Needing to get rid of stuff and needing to find a job.  Talk to my sweetie every day and trying to listen for the Fathers leading.  Learning Chinese and practicing patience. Life is good, life is crazy, life is busy, life is beautiful, life is sad,  life is unfair, life is amazing, and God is good! So as I ponder and wait for the still small voice, I will drink some more coffee and take a break from my exercising ( yes I realize those last two are semi-counterproductive, however I don't have a solution at this time {except to stop drinking coffee which would be completely unacceptable} if you have any great ideas feel free to share ;)

P.S. I'll try to post more.

Adventuring we'll go

Had a fantastic time at the Renaissance faire with my friends, and my friends, other then being sick in the afternoon :P
I love dressing up and I love road trips, and being around people who are as silly and crazy as me!

Ren Fest Weekend

I'll be sure to take lots of pictures this time, as it may very well be my last.  Heading up to Philly later today with my "besty-lefty" where we'll meet up with my big sis and head across PA to the fairgrounds tomorrow, it'll be awesome! I'n the meantime! I found this cute J-pop song, catchy and sweet :) Not exactly renaissance material :) but I like to mix things up. Enjoy!

Back to the Sea

Since I've been back I haven't been down to the beach much, it takes me all of a minute to slip on my shoes, grab my jacket and walk there. I use to go everyday, watch the sun rise over the sea listen to the waves crash and the gulls cry. But now it's not so easy to just go there, it feels so open, and empty. So exposed with nothing to block the view, so lonely with nothing but the birds and mournful whip of the wind over the water. But somedays I make myself go there,  so I don't forget who I was, and what it all meant to me.

DIY Cork board

I really love Cork board because it makes for easy pinning of notes and whatnot's. But I mean, lets be realistic... cork ... not that pretty. But why leave it a nasty shade of brown? Why not paint it? So here's my quick DIY pretty cork board tutorial!

1)

 

Take some plain cork board, large grade/small grade, old/new, whatever size you like!
(this is just some old ugly cork I had on hand)
                  
   2)

Take  some primer sealer and slather it all over your cork,(try to fill in  as many  of the holes as possible), let dry.

 3)

Finally choose a design and colors, sketch it out and start painting!

Hang your final project on the wall and start pinning things!

I like using geometric designs but you can do just about anything, treat it as a canvas you can stick pins in!

The Worst

The worst homesickness occurs when you're already home and well, it just isn't home anymore ...

That's a little how I've been feeling.

&

Then my sweetie whispers I'm right here with you and somehow I know it's all okay.

Lemonade Love

I don't know about you but I love lemonade, and I love trying new delicious things! That said, here are 10 delicious looking Lemonade ideas from Burlap + Blue! Can't wait to try these!

Malatang

(I didn't take this photo,  but it looks almost as good as the stuff I remember)

What I wouldn't  give for a bowl of steaming , spicy, eyewatering, malatang soup. There is an amazing little shop down on 和兴三道街.Oh how I wish I could grab my bag, hop on a bus, and go there for dinner with my sweetie!

Back in Half Swing

Not feeling 100% myself yet, but definitely doing a lot better. I bought these pretties at the store yesterday on my way home. Because hey! I like flowers ;) and I like the color and they were not already dead. Anyhow, I've been back stateside four weeks today, and honestly I new I would miss it in China, but I didn't know I would miss it all quite as much as I do. I'm trying to find a job, but in the meantime, I'm talking to my sweetie everyday, getting rid of a lot of junk and studying Chinese.  Also cool story made a sustain pedal for my keyboard (tell you about that later). Life is pretty okay most days.  

Sweet video, still remember the first time I saw it while riding the 83 down a backstreat in Harbin.

No Longer the End of the Story

So！ For the past twelve months this blog was entitle ...
I Know The End of The Story!
~  I come up from the desert leaning on my beloved!  ~       {my new life in China}

Well that year is finished now and I did come up out of the desert, and leaning on my beloved, though it wasn't exactly like I had expected. In fact! It was nothing like what I had expected. It wasn't even good most of the time, strange as it may seem though, God is really good at working our not so good times into his great and glorious plans. So I don't really know where I am going at this point, but I do know ... that the Adventure is just beginning!

Chinese Lessons, Duets and a Sweet Fella

Three reasons I love skype, don't know how well I'd be holding up without it right now. As is I've been spending free time on skype with my Honey. Here is todays homework, we made it through the first verse :) and I can't wait till I can really sing it with him. Maybe at KTV with friends ... yes it's true I am missing China.

Life in a Suitcase?

 So what happens when you take a notorious packrat, pack her a bag ship her to China for a year and then send her home? It's mind boggeling ... suddenly all the extra stuff has to go and her dream is no longer thrift shopping everyweek. But rather she begins to dream about someday comfortably being able to live out of a suitcase. It'd be a wonderful feeling of freedom and unbounded adventure. Having what and who you need and nothing else. Riding trains, taking planes, exploring new places and never worrying about the next day. Because the only things that really matter are who you are with and what you believe. That's one of my dreams . . .

Stateside

Need to write more later but for now I'll just say that I'm stateside again, I'm back home. And yet a little sad ... left someone very wonderful behind. Miss him dreadfully and all my roomies and my other friends. But it is good to be home. I'll get you more pictures from China and then some interesting stuff. I may be opening an etsy shop soon! At long last, I've only been wanting one for like forever. Well it's late here and time for sleepness.

Hope in Sight

It’s almost time, I can see the end of the sand a streak of green on the horizon. I’ll be coming out of this dessert soon, leaning on my beloved. 29 days left till summer vacation and then it won’t be long before I’m headed back state side. Parts of me are loathed to leave and others can't wait. But mostly I feel torn between the two. Thinking to much, a bad habit I've had since for as long as I can remember.  Feel as though the pressure of it all has turned my brain to mush, like apples in a pressure cooker.  Been sick lately can't seem to get rid of the last bit, wish it would just come or go. 

Emotions flying fortunatly I know not to pay to much attention to my feelings they are very untrustworthy. Feelings are still very real things and I've felt rather abandoned and unloved lately. But there's hope in sight and I'm holding onto the threads, praying they don't break.

Growing Up & Going Back

Last week I celebrated my 20th birthday, felt a little odd being away from home away from my high school friends. Not celebrating with a bonfire and late night tiki torch walks along the beach. But I still had a good birthday. A sweet boy in Shanghai sent me 9 roses, my roomates got me a cake, my foreign friends took me out for pizza and my silly extravagent friend spent far to much mony buying me a guzheng that I now have to figure out how to get back to America or whether I should leave it here. But it was very sweet of him. I love it here, I really do, I'd love to stay and I'd love to learn Chinese. But I think I feel a little like Alice, after she's killed the Jaberwocky and the Hatter says you know you could stay and she says what crazy mad wonderful idea. But I can't I have to go back, there are things I have to do, questions I have to answer. I feel a little like that.  I've said before that this all seems like a dream, sometimes bad and sometimes good but always always always a dream .... and at some point even good dreams have to end. Sometimes you know the end is comeing but you're not sure when or exactly what it'll look like, it be so much lighter a burden if I could just pinch myself or stab myself with a pencil to make it end when and how I want. No unwinding, no long goodbyes, no tears, no questions. Just the end, just wake up, home .... the end.

Living on Love, Coffee and Warm Weather

Life has been beautiful, long days in the sun drinking milk tea, eating malatong and BBQ, riding buses and holding hands with a wonderful man. He’s in Shanghai now and the sky has been crying for the past few days, I feel a little out of sorts and I miss him terribly. But I’m busy with school and moving again. The future seems uncertain, but I’m hopeful. Not sure how but I seem to have grown up a bit, turning 20 next week and not really sure how I feel about it. That's all for now.

A City Girl?

Well the house seems a little empty right now without my friend .Quen he’s been gone almost a  week now, and I can’t wait till he gets back, it just isn’t the same around here without him. Not to mention teaching, I’m up to my ears in 3-7 year olds and I really can’t take much more of it! I love children but at this point I feel I can hardly stand to look at them for more then a few seconds. Unfortunately  I fear my friends adoring children are the ones who bear the main brunt of this unfortunate event. Yesterday was a holiday here in China and we had a day off, so we all packed into a van and headed out of the city to the zoo, it’s the first time I’ve been out of the city here in China. At first it was amazing like finally getting a glimpse of home, of the real world, but buy the end of the day you have no idea how relieved I felt to be headed back into the city to see the big buildings and the buses, to hear all the noises and smell the dust and smoke in the air. After a long day in the country, I was relieved to be coming home, when walking from the big intersection back to my house I didn’t even want to listen to my music I just wanted to here all the sounds of the city?! Crazy and surprising, somehow at some point I seem to have become a city girl and I didn’t even know it happened. 

Went for a long bike ride with .Quen last Saturday. It was a little crazy riding in the city but I got use to it after a bit and it was a good morning spent with a good friend. Then the next morning I had to go into work early and crossing this terribly busy street thinking about boy ( yes I know! tisk-tisk) Well tripped and fell bruised my knee pretty bad and cut up my hand a bit. You can see what’s left of it. Anyhow then the zoo. Yes, the zoo wasn’t that interesting but I did get to spend pretty much the entire day with my friends .Tao and .Ming, mostly .Tao though. I was so happy he was there not only because I had fun hanging out with him but also because it allowed me to get away from all the little children that I’m sure otherwise would have driven me insane! At any rate I had a loverly day with him an then today I had to go back to work. It wasn’t sooooo bad mostly older classes, the only bad thing really is my one student Harry(monkey) reminds me very much of my friend .Quen and that made me remember how much I miss him and how sad I am and then of course I’m headed home in about 3 months now and I need to buy tickets and I’m so afraid to say goodbye,  I don’t want to say goodbye to the people I love.

It's Spring ^_^

Haven’t written a post in ages, honestly I haven’t even thought about writing, my new house doesn’t have internet. But it does house 4 of the best people ever, needless to say I love my roommates they really are amazing , I’d tell you there names but they’re Chinese and you wouldn’t know them any better for it. We make food, watch movies, clean the house, read the bible, practice our foreign language skills, play pool and most importantly laugh, a lot! It’s a good life.  I’m just sad that I have to work so much now. I’ve grown even more tired of being a teacher, but somehow it’s almost more bearable with good friends at hand to talk to and cheer me up. I’m happy to be headed home in August to see my family and friends there and I’ll be more then thrilled to discard the title of teacher, but words can’t express how much I’d like to stay and stay here for a very long time, yes some days I still want to leave but mostly those are the days when I’m just a little girl from sussex who’s scared as scared can be of living in this big city and then it isn’t really home I want , it’s just to run away and find a different place. But those days are fewer and farer between then ever. Well it’s spring in North China and I find myself grinning from ear to ear when walking to the bus as each day I see something new and green popping up out of the dirt of the sidewalk or the tops of trees. The grass is growing, the forsythia is flowering, the lilacs are getting their leaves and all the willow trees are covered in little green buds, not to mention all the lovely puddles filled with fluffy white birch seeds. I love spring, especially in Harbin! And the rain, I’ve always loved rainy but here it’s even better! My one friend told me after my contract is up he thinks I should go to language school and stay on as a translator for them. Oh I would love it! I often listen to my friends speaking Chinese and I long to understand and be able to talk to them in Chinese, I almost cry some nights because I want it so bad! So bad, it’s a desire planted so deep in my heart I can’t even begin to express it! So right now I’m still going home in 3 months and 3 weeks, but I pray it’s only a short visit and that I’m headed home soon. Also dealing with a bit of boy drama, but we won’t discuss that here unless it becomes serious.

New Beginnings

Last sunrise out this window and it's a beautiful day :) I have settled down a lot since my last post. I have found his peace and I'm determined to stick it out and to be the best teacher/friend/witness/student/worshiper I can be for the last four months. I'm moving this afternoon when I'm finished work and to be quite honest it feels strange to me sit in this empty house with all my stuff packed into one little corner. One suitcase, one duffel bag, one back pack a few small boxes, a few small bags  two empty baskets and a Ukulele case. How did my world grow so small :) I actually kind of like this feeling. Meeting a van and a few friends after work, this time tomorrow I'll be waking up in a new apartment.